Once in a while, I have that feeling. You know, that feeling where you’re floating above yourself, critically judging yourself? I’m not talking about an out-of-body experience, but I’m sure some of you have those same episodes where you are exteremely self-aware.

I caught myself today. It’s about my character flaw – I cannot concentrate on things for prolonged periods. I frequently work in pockets of “spurts”. These spurts may last months, weeks, or even days. Too often, I find myself switching from one mode to another. I may be very focused on building my small business ventures, other times, I’m focused on my health, while other times I’m focused on music/arts, or taking great interest in the investment markets. Today I caught myself focusing on my faith and religion.

Some people may say that it’s not a good idea to split yourself among so many things/interests. But that’s how I function. I even managed to get a good idea from this today, and that may depend on which mode I’ll be operating on to execute the idea.

While I was reading the September 2004 issue of Forbes magazine. I came across an article concerning the Soka Gokkai International (SGI) organizationn and its current President Daisaku Ikeda. The article was of interest to me as my family (excluding my father) were once practicioners of Nicheren Buddhism under the banner of SGI in Singapore. That was when we were young. Singaporean children ALWAYS listen to their father and mother so when my mother jumped into this religion, my brother and I were “automatically” inducted.

I was distraught about the picture the article painted for the SGI. A lot of the criticisms stems around the political ambitions and cult-like aspects of SGI. How they are hiding from accountability under the guise of a non-profit organization (the basis of the business article). The article brings back a lot of memories about my religion when I was a practicionier. That has stopped since the family moved to Canada in 1990.

I immediately tried seeking out Lisa Jones, an expert included in the article and was surprised that learn that she was the maintainer of a site http://www.sokacult.com, which is also the site of the former BuddaJones website. From reading her site and articles, I believe in her genuitiy and sincereness in Buddhism and am glad for the info this ex-SGI member gave to me.

I felt like a fool (Which stage of the acceptance process is this?) I felt like what I believed I was doing was in fact the thing I hated to do. I don’t believe in religion. I have my faith, my belief. I do not think that I will ever subject myself to a cult-like mentality. The difference between cult and religion is just a word to me. But apparently, that was what I was involved in.

I’ve always declared myself a proud Buddhist. A belief system that I embrace for its nobleness in nature, its idea that the individual overcomes themselves, that the world operates in harmony, that I ultimately affect myself and others around me. There are many theories that Buddhism also covers, this is not the place for me to go over them. Perhaps later? But I love Buddhism because of its philosophical nature.

I’ve heard somewhere before that you can be Buddhist and Christian at the same time, because Buddhism can also be more of a lifestyle that can still be conducive to other beliefs, depends on how much you adopt it. I do believe in God. I admire Jesus. People ask me how I can reconcile this? I tell them that if I believe in Ghosts, through logic I believe in God by default.

A little bit disillusioned, I asked myself what I really believe. I believed in being open-minded. I don’t discount other religions, taking whatever I believe from each of them. I believe in hearing about pros and cons. I don’t believe in radicalism or fundamentalism because it simply does not match my idea of being open-minded. I don’t believe in instilling fear to promote or restrict actions. Any threat for any actions/inactions taken is perceived by me to be a hypocritical for what a relligion is supposed to be.

By nature I’m an inclusive person rather than being exclusive. I wanted to find others who share that view. Thinking about all that, i came up with an idea on how I can spread what I believe. Spread is not a good way to describe what I want; more like if you have the same problems or beliefs that I have.. then let’s talk! But I don’t know that one good word to summarize it all. I won’t disclose the idea yet because I haven’t quite work it out yet. There’s no telling when I will implement it either.

As you keep reading this weblog, you’ll probably notice more of these “episodes” of brief focus and inspiration. I hope to get put these to good use! Wish me luck!